Self worth: is the opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself!
I am going to share a story with you, it’s a story of my own. It comes from a place that I don’t like to share about, but I feel that it may help others. So here it goes.
We are going to rewind to about 3 years ago. I was young, well younger, because some of you are screaming at your computer telling me 26 isn’t even that old, but none the less, I was in a terrible relationship with a emotionally abusive man. He was good at finding all the right things to say to jab at my insecurities. I was emotionally investing all that I had into what I know now was a toxic relationship. Eventually my self esteem was demolished and my self worth, how I valued myself as person was even lower. I never felt that I as person was enough. I had done the worst thing possible, I had allowed someone else to determine my self worth.
Looking in the mirror was painful. I couldn’t stand the person looking back at me. Who was she? How did she get here? Where was the girl who was full love, laughter, with enough confidence to conquer the world? I continued on this downward spiral of self hate for two more years. I was waiting for someone to rescue me from myself. It didn’t occur to me until I hit my rock bottom, that no hero was coming. If I was going to be saved, I would have to be my own hero and save myself. I would have to take charge of my own life and self worth.
When this realization came crashing down on me, I was still in that terrible relationship. With some reflection, I decided that I needed to learn to love myself again. How could someone love a person who doesn’t even love themselves? I needed to start putting some of my own needs above others. How did I go about doing this? Let me be honest with you, I had no clue where to start….. The best thing I could come up with was to start exercising. I started to work workout once a week. As I began to see the positive impact it had on how I felt. I started going more times throughout the week. This caused more strain on my relationship, it seemed as though he didn’t want me to happy in my own skin.
Exercising was only going to take me so far. I needed to dig deeper. Some where along the way I read something about when you meet new people you ask them a lot of question to get to know them better. It then turned the concept back onto you. How can you get to know yourself better? How often do you take the time check in with yourself to reconnect to who you are? Sadly I when I asked myself simple questions like, “What do you like to do in your free time?” I was dumbfound that I had not clue…… My life had been reduced to revolving around someone who only thought about themselves.
The more I got to know myself, the more his gripped loosened on who I was. I was doing what I needed to relearn to love myself. I was beginning to understand that I am enough, my love is enough, and that I am worth it. My relationship finally ended in an explosion of sorts. I walked away with sadness in my heart, but with relief in my mind that I am enough! When you love someone and someone loves you, it won’t always be cupcakes and rainbows, but they will respect you and not damage your self worth. If they do, then they need to take a look at themselves under a microscope.
I am not saying that I have it all figured out or have found the quick and easy way to learn to love yourself. I am still on this journey trying to love the person I am and the person that I am aspiring to become. Some days are a lot tougher than others, but I continue trying. A lot of people in my life right now are struggling with relationships, whether it be a friend, family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. I want you to remember that you are enough. You are an amazing person with so many wonderful qualities, no matter the circumstance.
<3 YOU ARE ENOUGH! <3
Until next time,
Janelle